Me just for giggles

LOADS OF FUN. I liked this photo after I played with my phone for a while. This was the best that came out. Like it?

Money

How is it that one can be on state assistance and still get their butt kicked financially?  For instance, getting food stamps is great, a certain amount each month, you budget total how much you would need each week, only go to the store with that same amount in mind and keep it to the basics.  Don't go off track, and at the end of the month, if there is extra, it rolls over.  Flat out.  You can always come out ahead.  IF you keep track.  Child support, same issue.  Budgeting out how much you need in gas for the car, pull ups, diapers, undergarments, clothes- whatever you need and then if you get out ahead, you are lucky. 

But every once in a blue moon, you get one of those months that is longer than expected.  You suddenly get stuck behind.  My daughter came to me tonight begging for fruit.  Foods that I don't have.  I don't have any money until Tuesday so what do I do?  I do what I can, but I am so sad that I had to tell her no.  I feel horrible because I don't have money.  I don't have things.  I am job hunting like crazy.  But I don't have the gas money to go running around places.  I have to budget.  I am so stuck!!!

Dj

Broken Home

My whole life, I vowed I would NEVER go through a divorce, and since my parents had never divorced I was going to live by that example.  No matter what happens, everything can be fixed.  After two years of marriage and two beautiful daughters later, my husband decided we were done.  I didn't know what to do.  Valentine's Day in 2008, he came home late with our older daughter after a day out with "grandma".  I had planned a Valentine's Day party at our house and had a few friends over.  Little did I know what was going to happen.  He was quiet most of the evening, and we didn't say much.  I knew something was amiss.

The next morning, as he was getting ready for work, I asked him what was going on......and if he had been talking the D word with his parents.  His response???    "I filed the paperwork and you will be served in a few days.  Then, I am gone."  I figured.  My heart fell out of my chest as he walked out the door for work.  I slowly walked to the kitchen, as my children were still asleep, and just slipped down the wall to the floor where I cried for what seemed like forever.  My older daughter came around the corner from her bedroom, saying  "Mommy cry?"  I just picked her up, wiped my tears away, and smiled. 

Four days later on the 19th, a middle aged man came to my door and dropped off the paperwork, and with saying those dreaded words  "You have been served." He walked away.  I called my husband at work, told him about the paperwork and his response was  "I guess I won't be coming home tonight then."  That night, he stayed with his parents, I stayed home.  The next morning, I packed my girls in the car and drove to my parents.  I explained what was going on and cried like mad.  Our youngest was only 4 months old, our oldest was just barely over 2 years old.  What was going to happen?

We argued in mediation over and over, in and out of court.  The judge didn't seem fair, but what can I say?  In the end, I had my girls in custody more than he did, because he worked full time.  I got a job in landscaping throughout all of this.  After the divorce was finalized in October of that year, so did my job.  I kept job hunting like crazy after that, with no avail.  My family built a 2 bedroom house onto their house so I could help take care of the property, and be with the family, and so that the kids would have someplace to be.  I can't thank them enough.  They have done so much for us.

Ever since then, my ex and I have had to get along.  Some weeks seems better than others.  We work things out well enough, heck we even joke around like old times.  But still, I never EVER wanted to have a broken home.  It's so hard on the children, having to jump back and forth between houses so much.  And when school starts?  Holy flying monkeys.  It's going to be even harder.  Parent Teacher Conferences, homework, extracurricular activities......I don't know whats going to happen.    Now I am engaged to a wonderful hard working man and he has been so wonderful with his emotional support.  He helps me whenever I need it, working outside, moving irrigation pipes, outside housework, things like that.

Not a lot of stuff can be said for divorce except that it's hurtful.  Everything can always be worked out, but it's a cowardly person to take the easy way out.  Well, that's my view on things.

dj

My Shawn on our First Hike in the Sawtooths

Introducing Momma!

Wow howdy.  This is my first post and I am more than excited.  I am a person who has learned a lot with my experiences, and am working hard to get over the past.  Yes, we all have had our hardships, and we all have loved and lost before.  There is no exception to that by ANY means.  I am hoping that I can use this site to encourage myself and others to 'get out there' and hopefully make a difference.

So as an introduction, if  you haven't already noticed by my front page, I am a mother of two, and have a wonderful and loving family.  Nothing has been more real.  I am doing my hardest to work past things that I've done and gone through, just so that I can support my family and myself.  God granted me a wonderful set of parents, a wonderful sister and a great gift of music.  I will admit, I am not the average sized bear.... more the tall and "a few extra pounds" kind of category.  But what can I say?  Having kids does wonders.

Anyways,  Here I am ranting.  I will be sure to post what I really want to say once I've settled down and get this site figured out.

I hope that someone reads this, and gets to know me better....hopefully noticing that I am a person, not just another drone.

See yaz
Dj